Memories of Hope
By Nancy Drew
– 2011 –
It’s the morning after. The morning after saying goodbye to our beloved Hope, who went on to her adoptive home. It is Sunday morning and I would normally be in church, but after an emotionally draining week (attending the horse meat auction and then parting with Hope), I needed some quiet time to myself.
By far the worst part of rescuing, rehabilitating and find good homes for horses, is having to say goodbye to them after having been through so much with them. First rescuing them from being slaughtered, then helping them recover physically, then helping them recover emotionally, and then seeing them touch the lives of everyone that works with them. Everyone asks how I can go to the auctions and see 40 plus horses a week go for slaughter. I don’t know for sure, but after getting over the shock of it the first couple of times, God has given me the fortitude to do it. That’s the only way I can explain it. If these horses are to be given a second chance, someone has to go through this process. I find it much more difficult to part with the animals once they have been part of our lives.
So what are my memories of Hope…
Hope ended up coming home with us because she lied about her age! Our policy is to rescue horses that are young enough that people will be willing to adopt them once they are rehabilitated. I am no expert on telling the age of a hose by it’s teeth, but I took a crash course (i.e. I googled it!) and figured I should be able to estimate within a few years. Well, I did estimate within a few years, but I was thinking under 15 when she was actually 17. I prefer horses under 12.
So when I got her home and had someone look up her tatoo and found out she was 17, I wondered oh no, did I make a mistake?
My first lesson from Hope – all life is valuable and worth saving. She had obviously been discarded by her previous owner because she was getting too old to work hard. All I can say is “Too bad for them and lucky for us”! Hope turned out to be such a happy, spunky little girl. She didn’t act her age at all! She was a delight to work with and eager to learn and please.
Hope was in a quarantine pasture for 3 weeks and then the big day came when we turned her out with the herd. We had students here to witness this and that was great. You never know what you are going to get when you introduce new horses to the herd. Sometimes very little happens, sometimes there is lots of kicking (pretty brutal to watch, but it’s the way horses sort out their pecking order – someone has to be the leader and it can get pretty ugly if another horse doesn’t back down). In this case there was lots of running. Hope initiated the chase by starting to run and the herd followed her lead. They ran for 15 minutes straight before stopping with Hope in the lead the whole time. Sometimes it looked like they were just having fun, and sometimes it looked like Hope was in trouble. Oti (our overweight, out of shape miniature donkey) kept up the whole time! Once Hope finally stopped and put her head down to graze, that was the end of it and the rest stopped and began to graze also. She had them too tired out to do any fighting!
My initial worry when I turned them out together was that Grace and Hope would fight because while they were separated during the quarantine time, they both showed a lot of interest in each other but Grace would get very agitated that she couldn’t get at Hope. I was much relieved to see that I had misinterpreted this behaviour. They bonded immediately and remained like big sister, little sister for the 10 months they were together.
Debbie, one of our volunteers, was with us when we picked Hope out at the auction. So Hope had a special place in Debbie’s heart. When we first got Hope, Debbie would bring her for walks on her lead rope while the rest of us rode around the farm. I remember how much fun Debbie had one day when she just went out and had some play time with Hope in the field. Hope found Debbie fascinating and really engaged in play with her that day. It was a highlight for Debbie.
Hope took to the saddle very well and although she paced instead of trotted, she was fun to ride. She was very brave and would take the lead in the bush, when other horses were afraid.
During the winter we were able to go down to the neighbour’s arena, when the whether permitted, to work with the horses. Dale would sometimes come with us and run around with Hope to keep in shape. He got so that she would stay in sync with him and run when he did and walk when he did. It was a good learning experience for Dale and he grew pretty fond of her.
As a therapy horse, Hope was great at teaching boundaries. She would often get too close and we would have to teach the students how to set boundaries for her i.e. to not let her come into our space unless she was invited, in order to stay safe. This is something the students can learn from the horse and then apply with people.
The best therapy session with Hope happened just a few days before leaving us. Sherry was working in the round pen with Hope and a student and Hope rather unexpectedly “joined up” with this student. ‘Join up’ is when a horse connects with you, considers you it’s leader, and follows you everywhere you go. This student was leading Hope around the pen and she accidentally dropped the rope. Hope continued to follow her which surprised her. Sherry took the lead rope off and had the student continue to walk and Hope followed. Then the student started to run and Hope ran after her. Hope followed her wherever she went! This was an incredibly powerful experience for this student. When Sherry and the student were telling me about it after the session, there were tears in their eyes. They knew Hope was leaving in a few days. To break the tension I said “Well, we could always pray that Hope won’t work out at the new place and she has to come back!” The student replied “I am going to pray every minute!” Oh boy, I wasn’t expecting that strong of a response! I have been thinking since that my comment should have been “We should pray that God gives us the grace to deal with whatever happens and that He works everything out for the best for all of us”. It is not only hard for our staff to loose these horses, but also for the students.
I had two really bad days before Hope left where I was very weepy and I questioned our policy on moving these horses on. But when Saturday came and it was time for Hope to go, I had perfect peace. She has a lovely place to live out her retirement days, she has a horse friend named Molly that was really lonely and needed a companion like Hope and she is close enough that we can visit her.
When we dropped off Hope and got her settled in, I could see that she was very happy. I mentioned to her new owner that I was more worried about Grace pining for Hope than I was about Hope adjusting to her new home. (When we pulled out the driveway at home, Grace was standing with her head over the fence calling to Hope and Hope was calling back.) The new owner said something that will always stick with me. “Grace gave Molly Hope when she needed it most.” Wow – and God continually gives me hope when I need it most. We love you and will miss you Hope.
Opening Doors
By Nancy Drew
– October, 2019 –
Jackie (not her real name) was one of our more fragile students. A tiny little thing, I am sure a strong wind could easily pick her up and toss her in the bushes. Not only was she fragile physically, she was very fragile emotionally and was in and out of the hospital at least once a month. Her counsellors were hoping our Gateway program could help her.
I matched Jackie with Contigo. He also came to us small and emotionally fragile. They had a lot in common. Over the next few weeks they developed a bond. Jackie was very quiet and didn’t open up much, but she seemed to enjoy her time with us and kept coming back.
On about her 5th session, one very cold October day, Jackie came into the barn in short sleeves. I offered her a jacket which she refused. I could see her arms were scarred from cutting and I am thinking she was finally comfortable enough with me to let me see. I didn’t say anything and suggested we go get Contigo. She got his halter and lead rope from it’s hook and we started out the door. Contigo came to her from across the yard as soon as he saw her coming. The first thing he did was gently touch her bare, scarred arms with his soft muzzle. Jackie pulled back, startled. I said “It’s OK, he doesn’t want to hurt you, he is just curious”.
She looked at me questioning.
This is a great example of how our equine friends open doors for us at Gateway. I couldn’t say “Hey, Jackie, I see you are cutting…” but when the horse is the one to ask “What’s this?” , the door swings wide for conversation.
The neat thing about this whole experience is the story of Contigo’s background. He came to us with the reputation of being vicious and dangerous, particularly with his mouth. He now has the gentlest mouth of all our horses. He is so sensitive with his mouth and loves to touch us ever so gently with it. Here is his rescue story:
Rescuing Contigo
Contigo was found at a meat auction in June 2012. When I first set eyes on him I thought he was only a yearling due to his tiny frame, close set front legs and head that seemed a little too big for his body! His teeth also indicated he was not very old. He was thin and dejected looking. I realize now, he had probably withdrawn into himself for protection from the trauma he had been through. Horses will do this as a coping mechanism, just as people do. He let me go into his pen and pick up his feet. He had a big gentle eye and did not seem mean.
When I checked in the office about him, I was surprised to find out he was a 4 year old Paso Fino gelding. I went back to observe him for a while and noticed he would crib from time to time. This was my only reservation about rescuing him. After looking at all the other horses, I decided that if this little fellow was sold for meat, I would rescue him.
While waiting for the auction to begin, I approached a horse trader that I knew was from our area and asked him if he would have room to trailer a horse home if I bought one. He agreed and asked me what horse I was interested in . When I told him, he said “I think I saw that horse go through another auction 4 days ago. Show him to me.” Sure enough, it was the same horse. I asked him why he would be back for sale so soon, and he said he would talk to the guy that bought him and let me know. So the auction started.
The first clue I had that this horse had some issues, was when he freaked out when brought into the auction ring. The calm little horse I saw in the pen turned into a very hyper, agitated horse. The auctioneer also announced him as a stallion when he came in (I was told he was a gelding). We clarified he was a gelding. I certainly didn’t want to be bringing home a stallion! The little horse was sold for meat and I arranged with the meat buyer to sell him to me. I went to tell the gentleman that was trailering for me and he said he heard back from the seller. The guy told him this horse was nuts in the head! Oh great.
While waiting for the horses to clear out after the auction, our new little horse was very excited and agitated in his pen. Now I knew why they thought he was a stallion! I was having second thoughts about it too! We were very nervous about going in the pen with him when it was time to load him into the trailer, but as soon as the gate was opened and the handler stepped in, he settled right down. He loaded fine along with two mares that were already in the trailer.
On the way home we had to drop off the mares and our horse was left alone for the last 25 miles. He was absolutely frantic the rest of the way home. I had him partly figured out by then. He had extreme separation anxiety. When he was alone in the auction ring he panicked, when he was alone in a pen and the other horses were leaving he panicked and when he was on the trailer alone he panicked. My suspicions were confirmed when I put him in a stall at home and once again he panicked. He was running up the walls and I thought he was going to try to jump out the top of the stall door. We quickly brought another horse in the barn and he settled right down.
As long as he wasn’t confined and he had someone (person or horse) with him, he was calm and gentle. When we rubbed him he would put his head right down into our chest and just soak up the love.
This horse had a brand on it’s shoulder, so we decided to take his picture and send it to the Paso Fino Association to see if we could figure out who he was. We had a reply in a few days from his previous owner and this is what the email said: “I gave this Paso to somebody because he was a very very bad apple. He is a cribber, with a really bad temperament and not necessarily a good ambassador of the Paso Fino breed. The horse was in my farm and I sincerely do not recommend anybody to try to ride it, he can be very vicious…This is NOT a RIDING HORSE!” Another woman who was copied on the email replied that she remembered the horse as well, and that it’s trainer used to have to put a muzzle on the horse and wear shin guards while riding, to keep the horse from biting his legs! Upon further questioning of the former owner (I was trying to find out his registered name and if I could get his papers, which he refused to give me), he said, “This is not the kind of horse you want to keep…This horse likes to bite people, my trainer almost got hurt very badly several months back.” He repeated his warning that under no circumstances should anyone ever try to ride this horse. I also found out that this guy imported the horse to Canada from Colombia, South America! Between purchase and shipping fees along with training fees, he lost a huge amount of money on him.
Our first reaction – “Can’t wait to prove this guy wrong!”
Our next step was to decide on a name. We opened it up to suggestions from the students, volunteers and supporters of Gateway and we had lots of good suggestions. Someone was looking for Spanish She came across the word “contigo” in the story of Gideon. It means “with you”. The verse refers to when God asks Gideon to go into battle and tells him “Do not fear, you will not die, I will go with you.” What a perfect name. Contigo. For the little horse that fears death, but feels safe when he is with you. So that is the name we chose.
So Contigo’s healing and rehabilitation began. We immediately put into practice all the horse psychology we have learned, thanks to the Parelli organization. We did not confine him in any way that would upset him. We didn’t tie him or hold him tight or put him in a place without company. We made sure he got lots of physical touch which he seemed to thrive on and we didn’t demand anything from him while he was getting to know us and his new surroundings. Contigo tended to startle and panic easily if anything sudden happened. We just allowed him to move his feet until he calmed down. Although he startled easily, he always calmed back down quickly, especially if you rubbed his ears and head.
We could see improvements in Contigo’s confidence every day. By the end of the first week we were able to leave him in his stall for short periods without him panicking and within 3 weeks he was calm enough to start working with students in sessions.
Although Contigo was the smallest horse we had, he was the most dominant. Even our very dominant herd leader backed down to Contigo. There was something about him; the horses just knew he was not to be messed with. As time went on and Contigo became more and more comfortable with his new surroundings and pasture mates, he became more laid back and the horses became less fearful of him, but he still remains the boss.
We worked with Contigo on ground skills, building relationship and confidence over the summer months and early into the fall. I wasn’t really planning on trying to ride Contigo until the Spring, but one week in October I saw a big change in Contigo. It was like he finally realized he was totally safe. He was telling me he was ready.
With great caution and safety in mind we started riding Contigo. He was unsure at first and tended to go introverted, but we went really slowly and each time we got on him he was a little more confident. He was definitely not aggressive and we didn’t need shin pads or a muzzle! I had the highlight of my year, or maybe the highlight of my whole horse experience, when in November I rode Contigo, the little “unrideable” horse, all around our farm property. He absolutely loved it, as did I.
I can only imagine the trauma this little fellow has been through over the short 4 years of his life. Being shipped from Columbia, probably as a breeding stallion; being confined when he got to Canada because he was a stallion; being totally misunderstood by his trainers and probably being pressured to do many things that terrified him; being sent to auction and bought only to be sent back for another traumatic auction experience; and who knows what all else.
We have learned so much from this little jewel, as have our students. We have learned how important it is to look on the inside; to figure out the horses’ perspective – the fears and insecurities that they have no control over; to be patient and more patient and even more patient; to examine our own motives, particularly our pride and agendas. And all these things not only apply to horses but also to people. If we can take these lessons and apply them to the people we influence every day, maybe we can make the world a better place not just for horses, but people too.
The Least of These
By Jill Baptist
– January 7th, 2018 –
For my dad’s birthday, I took him out to see a movie followed by dinner. We had a great conversation about what he was planning on talking about at a conference that Sunday. Being that we were three weeks away from Christmas he decided to talk about giving. Specifically, that we should try to work on donating on a constant basis instead of on a whim or for a special occasion or holiday. When we budget our tithing into our monthly expenses, we start budgeting other expenses along with it and our finances start becoming more manageable.
This is a fantastic way to look at stewardship. But, I brought up a catch: what if you’re like me, who doesn’t have cash to spare for tithing? Two dollars may mean a cup of coffee for one person, but for others who are in financial hardship it means a loaf of bread for most of the week.
A lot of us are in financial trouble right now for various reasons. Unemployment, working a minimum wage job, massive debt, being on a disability pension, or going through university or college…. these are just a few of the many reasons why someone may not be able to gift or tithe at any time, let alone on a regular basis.
So, I proposed this to my father; what if we include our time as something we can give? Can we consider tithing our ‘spiritual gifts’ instead of currency if we truly have no money to spare?
I believe there’s biblical precedence for this. The bible says in 1 Peter 4:10 “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” There may be a great need in the church that you can fill that you’re uniquely suited for. One Sunday there might be a call out in the announcements for greeters and you happen to be a ‘people person’, or for a children’s program, and you’re great with kids. Maybe you have a musical gift you can share as part of the worship team, or on your own as special worship music.
Maybe your gifts lie elsewhere and outside the church. Is there a homeless shelter or soup kitchen you can volunteer at? How about an animal shelter helping to care for God’s neglected creatures? Our gifts are not just our talents, but our passion, love, and enjoyment of those gifts even when they are challenging.
My gift is my art, and my love for animals. I give my time at Gateway at least twice a week, making sure the horses are groomed, the cats are loved, and whatever needs cleaning is cleaned in the barn. Over time, it branched out into painting stall plaques for the horses, doing graphic design (including this website), and working with Donkioti, our little mini donkey.
Over the past two years there I have found healing, and friendship I never expected. As well as a bond with a great donkey that I love to bits.
In gifting of my time I was, and continue to be, truly blessed.
So if you’re one of the multitude who are having a hard time coming up with 10% of your money to tithe to the church, see if you can find some of your time to give instead.
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40
The Easter Lily Lesson
By Nancy Drew
Growth is a wonderful thing, and I find God is constantly giving me opportunities for growth – if I am willing to pay attention.
The other day was a perfect example. Several weeks ago, after the last bloom of my Easter Lily faded and died, I removed it from its pot with the intention of planting it in my garden in hopes that it would bloom for me again sometime. On the way to the barn I set it just outside the door beside the garden I planned to put it in, with the good intention of planting when I had a few minutes. Three weeks later it was still laying there on its side. It was looking very pathetic, pretty much beyond hope, and the plan was to toss it in the compost heap.
This week when my student arrived for her session she noticed the poor thing, and asked me what happened to it. I quickly told her it was my Easter Lily, and although I had good intentions of planting it, it didn’t happen and now I was going to throw it out. She humbly asked permission to take it so she could try to save it. I was a little taken aback by her request, but said “sure”. She quickly picked it, up and put it in the van she came in. I didn’t have time to give it a second thought, and we carried on with our session.
Today I had a relaxing few minutes, and some time of reflection, and my mind went back to the plant. I really don’t know what was going through my student’s thoughts when she saw that plant laying there, but it was obvious that she felt compassion for it. I can’t help but wonder if she identified with it, having been cast aside herself by her mother and father. I am sure there are times that she feels like that plant, or at least has felt like that plant in the past…. helpless with no one to nurture her, and half dead with not a lot of hope for the future. At the same time maybe she sees herself taking a role like some of those people that surround her now. People who see potential in her, who are nurturing her, and giving her the support and the care she needs to come back to a full and fruitful life.
Once again, God uses one of my students to teach me and help me grow. I am reminded of the value of life – every life, reminded to be more compassionate and nurturing. I’m reminded there is always hope, no matter how bleak things look because as the Easter Lily reminds us, Jesus was rejected, cast aside, crucified but God raised him from the dead. He wants to do the same for us.
The prophet Isaiah (Isaiah 42:3) when speaking of Christ says “A bruised reed he will not break.” This image of a bruised reed represents the weak and depressed in spirit, the lowly and dejected. It depicts Christ dealing tenderly with it, not destroying it. Oh how I need to become more like Christ!
Gandalf
By Marianne
– March 01, 2016 –
This is Gandalf. He is a rescue cat who has found a new home at Gateway, the farm of rescues.
Gandalf first appeared over 100 kilometres away, in Cambridge, in early September. He was spotted lurking about the parking lot at Heritage College & Seminary. At first, he showed himself sporadically. He was friendly, and would follow us around, but then he would disappear. In the weeks that followed, he appeared more and more regularly, and looked skinnier, and skinnier. Eventually, he was around more than he wasn’t. We debated feeding him. He was so thin, but we knew if we fed him, he wouldn’t leave, and as much as we loved having a campus kitty, the reality wasn’t very practical. Eventually, we decided we had to feed him. He was getting so thin.
He gobbled up the food – a lot of it. And sure enough, he was waiting at the entrance to the academic building every morning, meowing for his meal. He hung around the dorms at night, crying to be let in. We had to find him a home. I thought of Gateway. Where better for a stray kitty to find a home than at the farm of rescues? He could live much the life he’d been accustomed to at Heritage – free to come and go as he pleased, lots of people around to love him, food, and, what Heritage could not offer him, a roof over his head. And, surely, a cat who had been living on his own outside for weeks would have a knack for mousing, something the two old fellows who already lived at Gateway had given up long ago.
So, with Nancy and Dale’s approval, and after some hoop-jumping with the Cambridge SPCA (we did, after all, attempt to find any previous owners), Gandalf made the trip down the 401 and arrived at Gateway.
His first impressions were not good. He took one look at the horses, and took off like a shot. He’d never seen anything so completely terrifying as those massive animals. He was gone for two days. Gandalf after his first meal at Heritage – the first meal he’d had in a long time. But he came back. And he’s stayed. In fact, he’s made Gateway his kingdom, and he is the king. He follows us all around, even sitting outside the porta-potty door and meowing loudly. He pesters the old cats, Barnie and Bonkers, who want to sit in their metaphorical rocking chairs and smoke their pipes and grumble about the recklessness of the youth while Gandalf races up the walls (literally). He rubs himself against the horses’ legs now, and throws himself down on his back when they lower their heads to nuzzle him. He plays with the ropes and halters, and hides himself under saddle covers. He follows Dale around the shop, and loves to go up in the haymow, prowl about the bales of hay up there, and peruse his kingdom from the lofty heights of the hay window.
He is one happy cat.
Gandalf was someone’s pet. He was neutered before we got him. But somehow, he ended up alone, and no one came to find him. Now, this story ended well. We love Gandalf, and Gandalf loves Gateway. But too many times, the story doesn’t end like that. For every Gandalf, there are dozens of cats who do not find homes. They sit in shelters. They die on their own. They are tossed into ditches in the country by people who will assume they will find a home in a barn, or somehow survive in their own. Instead, they get hit by cars, or eaten by coyotes. May I plead with you? Take pet ownership seriously. Spay and neuter. Think before you buy. Commit to the long haul. And, if, for unforeseen reasons beyond mere convenience, you are not able to maintain your commitment to this animal, do the right thing. Don’t simply walk away and leave your animal to fend for itself, or expect someone else to pick up your slack. Most often, it doesn’t work.
This time, it did.
Micro Managing
By Nancy Drew
– July 01, 2015 –
This summer I decided it was time to pick a horse and work with it consistently every day. Normally I had been trying to give three different horses my attention which resulted in each of them getting training only once or twice a week. I saw progress but it was very slow. Contigo got the short straw, and we started our daily sessions. I was so excited to see huge breakthroughs after only a few days of working with him.
One of Contigo’s problems was he stopped often and balked – not wanting to move forward. I decided to try a new “game” with him. When training our horses we often try to make the learning experience into a game. This is more interesting for them and us. In this new game there was only one rule for me, and one rule for him. His rule was that when I asked him to walk he had to keep walking or when I asked him for a trot he had to keep trotting. In other words he had to maintain gait. My rule was I couldn’t tell him where to go. So if he decided to go straight for the fence I made him keep moving so he had to turn right or left when he reached the fence. He couldn’t just stop. If he was going to run into a barrel, he had to keep moving and either knock it over or go around it. No more micro managing him. He got to make the choices as long as he kept moving forward.
This game ended up being very effective. After only a couple sessions he was moving forward eagerly, and he even chose many times to go to the scary end of the arena where the bushes and trees full of lurking predators were. He became calmer, and more confident, every day. Gradually I was able to take the reins up again and start directing him. The resistance was gone.
When I noticed Lauren having similar issues with Grace I suggested she give this a try. She also started getting good results.
Thinking about the psychology behind what was happening, I couldn’t help but relate it to interactions in my own life, and in the lives of other people I have observed. I think mainly of two categories – raising, or teaching, children, and being a manager over other people. I don’t think anyone, child or adult, appreciates being micro managed. It just goes against our nature to constantly be told what to do and we balk against it. If we give our children freedom within certain parameters that keep them safe (our horses have a fence around them) they are much likelier to be engaged, curious, adventuresome and progressive. When it’s necessary or time to give them some direction and guidance, they are much likelier to be willing to listen and accept it from us than if we were constantly nagging them to go here, do this, don’t do this etc.. It is the same with our employees, or other people we are leading. We need to be able to let go of our tendencies to control every little thing (a big one for me, the accountant type that I am), and loosen up the reins a bit! I bet the results will be good.
Waiting When I Don’t Understand
By Nancy Drew
– May 1st, 2015 –
This Spring was a second reminder to me of what it is like to wait when I don’t understand the why.
The first reminder was last Fall after rescuing Atarah. Because of a broken bone in her fetlock joint, her movement had to be restricted. She was not allowed to run with the herd or graze in the big open pasture. She had to stay in her restricted pen, and just look longingly over the fence at the others.
She was not lame or in pain from this broken bone, but if she was allowed to run freely the bone would not support her tendons and she would do more damage and certainly become very sore. How I wished I could explain to her why I was being so “mean”, not letting her join the others. If only I could have told her that some day she would have her freedom again, but in the meantime she had to have a season of rest.
Spring is here now and Atarah’s time of waiting will soon be over. But not yet. Once again I have to be the bad guy, this time keeping all the horses on the dirt side of the fence rather than the grass side.
Spring grass can be very dangerous to the health of horses, particularly when the nights are cold and the days are sunny. The sugars in the grass spike very high under these conditions and horses can easily get digestive upset causing life threatening colic or dreaded laminitis and founder which renders them lame.
So once again I find myself wishing I could explain that I am not just being a meanie, that I am truly doing this because I love them and want the best for them.
This is a perfect reminder to me that in this case God is just like me and I am just like the horses. He doesn’t always give me what I want or ask for. Sometimes He does give me what I want, but not necessarily when I want it. My part is to trust, to rest, knowing that God loves me and is doing what is the very best for me. It is amazing how my anxiousness turns to peace when I realize this truth
The Path of Least Resistance
By Nancy Drew
– March 01, 2015 –
I love metaphors. I spend many hours of contemplative time in and around the barn while doing chores, and my mind often drifts to pictures of life through the lens of nature.
I love when Spring arrives, and the ice and snow start to melt in the warm sunshine. As I soak up the sun my blood seems to thaw, too, after a long, cold winter. Although the thaw turns the beautiful clean snow into a yucky mess in the barn yard, I love getting my rubber boots on, and mucking around in it. It floods me with childhood memories of playing in the ditches and creeks in the rural area I grew up in.
The barnyard where the horses spend the winter months slopes gradually to the pasture, allowing the melting ice and snow to run off. It is interesting to see how the water makes its way from one end of the barnyard to the other, meandering this way and that as it searches out the path of least resistance. Sometimes the water comes to a blockage, and with no way of escape it simply pools. Often something as simple as a hoof print in the middle of the stream is enough to stop the flow, other times it’s more like a mountain of manure!
After my job of cleaning up after the horses is done, I like to follow the streams of water along and unplug the blockages or redirect the flow. It is cool to see the water rush along; free once again, it seems enthusiastic and happy to carry on its way until it encounters the next barrier to its progress.
I can’t help but think how I am often just like the water. If given the choice I almost always take the easiest way. It’s just natural. Often I do this without even thinking about a second option. I just let circumstances direct me; I go with the flow. I do what everyone else is doing. Unlike water though, I have the freedom and ability to make a choice. Water is bound by the laws of nature. I on the other hand, am free to choose my path. The fact is, the more difficult less direct path is often the better path. There may be more hills and valleys, and it may take me longer to get where I am going, but the challenges I face and overcome on the way make me stronger, and healthier, in the long run.
Regardless of the path I choose, there are always going to be obstacles. These are the times when I have to just “pool” for a while. My rushing stops, I am still, and forced into reflection and contemplation. This is when I find myself on my knees, confessing to God that I have been rushing along, and ignoring His direction. Then, when He feels I am ready, He comes along with His pitchfork and removes the hurdle, or redirects our path, and I am on my way again, refreshed and ready for the journey ahead.
Scars
By Nancy Drew
– October, 2014 –
Each evening after chores are done, I spend time giving our newest rescue, Atarah a light treatment in hopes that it will help the healing of her wounds. I have had a lot of time to think during these sessions, and I often
find myself reflecting on the many scars she has on her body. It looks like many of them will never grow a proper covering of hair and will always be noticeable. I find myself wondering how all those wounds came to be. It seems such a shame that she will always have these ugly reminders of past hurts.
After treating these scars every day for weeks and weeks, I began to realize that no matter what I did, they were probably never going to disappear. This caused my thought patterns to start to change. I started to
think a little deeper about scars, their purpose, and how they affect us. (Note: To give due credit, some of the thoughts I am sharing below were inspired by Sharon Jaynes, author of “Your Scars are Beautiful to God”.) When thinking about how Atarah got her scars, I realized they must have come about in one of two ways, either by something being done to her by someone, or by her own mistakes. At this point it doesn’t really matter which way she got them. The important thing is they are no longer wounds. Scars are evidence of healing. Oh how I wish horses could talk and say “See here – I was wounded, but now I am healed. Let me tell you my story…”
After the resurrection, when Jesus appeared to His disciples, they did not recognize him until they saw his scars. Jesus could have come back to life without his scars, but he chose not to. Is it possible that he did that to encourage us to use our scars for a purpose?
We deal with students at Gateway who have physical scars and emotional scars from their abuse. Some of the physical scars are even self inflicted in a desperation to deal with their emotional wounds. One day one of our students had short sleeves on and there wasn’t a square inch of her arms that didn’t have red scars from cutting. It was a very cold day, and I offered her a jacket or sweater but she didn’t want one. I wondered if she just wanted me to see her wounds. Was this possibly her way of crying out for help? The horse she was working with came from a very abusive background and is very sensitive. He really likes this student and comes right to her whenever he sees her. He approached her this day and the first thing he did was touch her arm with his soft, gentle muzzle. Alarmed, she pulled back. I quickly assured her that he meant her no harm and was just curious about her arms. Time and time again God uses these horses to open up conversations like this for us. I have no doubt that we will have many discussions in the future about Atarah’s scars. I am looking forward to the opportunity to talk to the students about what God is teaching me about the beauty of scars and the stories of healing they represent.
My prayer is that these students would allow God to replace their wounds with scars of healing; that others would see their scars and be willing to listen to their story of healing and find hope; and that through helping others God would redeem even their most painful experiences.
- August 21, 2014 -
Gateway’s Atarah (crown) is a jewel for sure. She has had her day at the spa and is a real beauty. Her temperament is sweet. She is filling out nicely, and we are praying that God will heal that broken bone completely. We may or may not be able to ride her someday, but regardless she will bring joy, and teach us many memorable life lessons.
One of the names that were suggested for this horse that we now have named Atarah, was Adara, meaning “noble.” Very similar actually to Atarah, meaning crown. I like what the person said about the name and how it relates to a rescue. “God chose us despite our filth and sin, in that act of gracious choosing a new nobility is placed upon us and the chosen ones are made glorious.” P.S.: Her previous name was Queen!
Rescuing by Faith
By Nancy Drew
- August 21st, 2014 -
I am sitting in the pen with our new rescue, Atarah, giggling as she explores my computer. It is the first chance since bringing her home to Gateway nine days ago, to just sit and veg with her; good bonding time when I am not “doing” something to her for a change. I am usually brushing or bathing or tending to her scrapes and wounds, but today is just “hanging out” time. I am not sure what she thinks of it. I am sure no one has just sat and shared her space with her before.
- August 12th, 2014 -
It had been two years since I had made a trip to the meat auction to rescue a horse. I prayed this past week that God would prepare a horse for us of his choosing. Dale, Bethanie (one of our volunteers), and I arrived a couple hours before the auction was to begin to inspect the horses. There were between 40 & 50 horses that day and only 2 of them looked pathetic, the rest were quite healthy looking. A couple of them were in foal. Although all of the horses would be worthy of rescue, I look for the ones that have obviously suffered. Our students identify with these horses. Of the two there that day, one was very old – just skin hanging on bones. This horse had a very sweet, kind face. After being a part of their lives for so long (28 years in this case), I can never understand why someone wouldn’t euthanize a horse like this instead of putting it through the agony of being shipped for meat. It makes me sad.
The other horse was tall and lean, underweight, but not horribly so. She had a swollen joint in the front right leg, and was banged up on the same side with multiple scrapes. She had a big soft eye, the first thing I look for as it is an indication of a nice personality. She had a very long mane which was hanging in dread-locks, and a long forelock draping over those beautiful eyes.
We first observed her from a cat-walk over the holding pens. She was in with another horse that seemed to want to protect her. I assumed these two were stable mates, but found out later they weren’t. I guess they were just finding some mutual comfort in a stressful situation as they stood and groomed each other. (Horses “groom” each other by standing neck to neck and scratching each other on the neck, and shoulders with their teeth.)
From above she seemed to be the only possible option that day, and Dale and I went down for a closer look. When I approached her pen she came to meet me, and when I walked away her eyes followed me. I had my first gut feeling that this was the horse that was meant for Gateway. We looked at all the other pens, and none of the other horses showed the interest in us that this horse did.
I was concerned about that swollen fetlock. We took her out of her pen, and walked her up and down the aisle. She walked straight, her limbs were straight, and she wasn’t favouring that leg. I picked up her feet. No problem. Still, it was possible that she was on pain killer, and I had misgivings about it.
For the next hour and throughout the auction, I was very reluctant to commit to this horse. All different scenarios went through my mind, none of them good. The auction came to an end, and I had to make up my mind. Do I take a chance on this horse, or not? Two things influenced my decision. One: Dale liked her and thought we should go for it, and two: I decided to step out in faith that God had not only answered my prayer, but made it easy for me to know by the fact that there was only one rescue possibility that day. We approached the meat dealer and redeemed her. I still wasn’t totally at ease, but when she walked calmly onto the trailer for us I felt huge relief and I felt peace flood over me.
That is only half the story. God showed me in another way how he had answered my prayers of preparing the right horse for us, and maybe someone else’s prayers too. I was able to find out who the previous owners were, and talked to them that very evening. This mare had been a road horse for them for 5 years (pulled a cart) and came up lame. They rested her for a couple weeks and tried her again, but again she went lame. They X-rayed the joint, and found a break. It would take a year for this to heal, and even then there was no guarantee it would heal, so she was shipped to auction the next day. The wife told me that they really liked this horse, and were very sad. She even asked her husband if they could try to find a petting zoo or someone else to take her for a pet. I was so happy to be able to tell them that she ended up with us, and will get a second chance. I believe this lady’s prayers were answered, even though she probably didn’t officially pray them. God is so good – giving us the desires of our heart even before we ask at times.
Moments We Live For
By Nancy Drew
– July 1st, 2014 –
This past Saturday was one of those Gateway moments we long for. We have a young man (will soon be 15) who comes to our program. He has some huge setbacks in life due to traumatic abuse. Danny (not his real name) finds it very difficult to speak. He nods his head and shrugs his shoulders and we can get one word answers from him now and then. Each week gets a little better, and Danny will sometimes put a few words together, particularly if we ask him about the animals he loves. Danny loves being with the horses and cats at Gateway, and has the most infectious smile when he is here.
One of the things we have been teaching Danny is a game we call “Stick with Me”. It involves getting the horse to move beside you and mimic you, or stay in harmony with you. When you walk, the horse walks; when you stop, the horse stops; when you run, the horse runs. We have only just begun teaching Danny this, but it is obvious that it is his favorite thing to do.
After his lesson was over on Saturday, a group of us were standing talking, and Danny was with us. He still had Contigo, the horse he works with, on the lead rope beside him. He was just rubbing and scratching Contigo while the rest of us chatted. Contigo was soaking up the attention. I told Danny it was OK to take Contigo’s halter and lead rope off. I was curious to see if he would immediately go join the other horses who were enjoying the lush pasture. Much to my delight, Contigo decided he would rather stay with Danny. After a few more minutes passed Danny walked away from us. I immediately knew what he was up to. He was testing Contigo to see if he would stay with us or follow him. I sent a quick prayer up, “ Oh Lord, please let this little horse follow Danny”. Much to our delight, Contigo turned and followed Danny! When Contigo arrived at his side, Danny started running and Contigo started running beside him. When Danny stopped, Contigo stopped; when Danny ran, Contigo ran. It was amazing. This little horse, and young teenage boy, both with very painful pasts, have found a very special connection. And to think that this was the horse that only a year ago was vicious and extremely dangerous (according to the previous owner).
Last week Danny posted a picture on Facebook. It is a picture of two beautiful horses running side by side. On the picture it says “Friendship is not about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life, said “I’m here for you” and proved it.” Beside the picture Danny wrote “true ’cause Contigo is my friend”. Priceless. We trust that over time we can prove to Danny that we are there for him also.
Light In The Darkness
By Lauren Bragger
– June 1st, 2014 –
Remember back to when you were first learning to float in the water…. if you were like me you were doubtful that this would be possible. I was convinced that the idea of floating in a large body of water was not a safe idea! But when I relaxed, and looked up to the sky, I realized how peaceful it was. The water can be so powerful and destructive at times, but in that moment when I finally relaxed it was carrying me.
I imagine this is how Grace felt when I brought her into the outdoor riding ring. It was engulfed in the darkness in some areas, and in other areas there was such a bright light from our spot lights that shadows danced around us. I should mention that both Grace and I have active imaginations, we might fuel each others fires when it comes to imagining something scary. We are probably not the best combination, but it gives us lots to work on!
I joke about Grace jumping a mile when the bushes move from the wind, but the truth is we both jump a mile. Compare this moment to a time when your child found the most amazing spider (or whatever you’re afraid of), and was so excited that he or she picked it up, and put it right in your face. You jumped back automatically in fear, and then quickly pulled yourself together pretending to embrace this spider as though its your favourite thing in the world! You are faking the braveness, and hiding your fear for the sake of your child.
From my position as being the “leader” with Grace I have had to do my best to pretend I was fearless. However, I learned that I could not just pretend (you can’t fool horses). I had to learn how to overcome my fear. This happened gradually by putting myself in a slightly uncomfortable position long enough to realize I would survive and my fear was not justified. This is the exact way I was going to show Grace.
I began to show confidence while leading her around the ring, even though I could not always see clearly at night in the outdoor ring (the country is pitch black). I would stand tall in faith with my back against the bushes while Grace stared wide eyed at me as though there was actually a monster about to grab me! I became comfortable just standing still in the darkness. Soon enough Grace followed suit by not jumping around and snorting at every gust of wind. If she saw me, her leader, relaxed, then surely there was nothing she should fear.
Now even though we were improving we had not yet really tested our fears. See, most night Nancy would also be working with a horse in the area, so we weren’t completely alone. This one night I came out to Gateway, and planned to work with with Grace in the area under our spotlights. Nancy had other plans that night so it would just be Grace and I. This was okay with me as I was just grateful to have Grace for another day. A little side note: we had just learned that Grace’s potential buyer was not able to take her. This was disappointing as I thought it might be a great possible future for her. Deep down I was relieved that I didn’t have to say good-bye, not yet anyway. To describe it with my active imagination, I felt like I was floating on a cloud! Despite the “cloud” I was still aware that we may have a challenge ahead of us when Grace realizes she’s the only horse in this dark arena!
That night we flew through all of our so called challenges. Grace walked with assurance that nothing was out to get us. I became so confident in her that I decided to get on and actually ride. We walked down to the mounting block, placed nicely beside the monster filled bushes, and I climbed up while Grace stood there calm as could be. We walked around and actually enjoyed the stillness of the dark country side. All this time of working out our fears, when what I really needed to do was just LET ALL THE FEAR GO!
Sometimes in order to realize peace you must surrender completely to your fear, and stop thinking so much about all the things you don’t have control over. I don’t have control over the water, and I don’t have control over the darkness, but I do have a fear of them. Know that God will carry you through your fear and give your worry to him. When you truly put these things in His hands he will carry you through it.
Make Me Laugh, Make Me Cry
By Nancy Drew
– April 1st, 2014 –
Well, when working with horses or kids, and there’s not much difference between the two sometimes, it’s usually the other way around, “Make my cry, make me laugh.” I think they do that on purpose – do something to make us angry, then quickly do something to make us laugh so they get in less trouble!
Last summer Contigo suddenly started running away from us in a panic when we asked him to do a circle around us on the end of a rope. This is a very basic exercise for most horses. For some reason, as soon as Contigo was at the end of his rope, he was at the “end of his rope” in more than one way. Instead of simply walking calmly in a circle around us, he would bolt away and often run panic stricken up and down the fence, looking for a way to escape.
This spring it was my goal to get him over this issue. For the first four sessions he got away from me a number of times, and then once he ran out the adrenaline, he would settle down and do it fine. Finally after trying a few different things, I was able to get him to circle around me without bolting for three sessions in a row. One of the things I did was put the training stick down. I knew that is was quite likely that the previous owners had lunged Contigo using a whip and I was guessing that our training sticks might be triggering this memory. At first it didn’t seem to make any difference, so I didn’t think it was the stick, but I continued working without it and was soon getting consistent calmness.
Today I decided it was time to re-introduce the training stick. The first time I asked him to circle with the stick in my hand, and even though I didn’t raise it he bolted off. Ah ha! It appears it was the stick after all!
Then the comical part. Contigo raced to the far end of the arena where Grace was, and stood behind her. He was obviously trying to hide from me, and actually did a pretty good job, excpt for the fact that I knew Grace didn’t have eight legs!
I put the stick down, retrieved Contigo, and he went back to calmly doing circles.
Horses have triggers just like people do, and they cannot be punished for reacting to something that triggers fear in them. Their flight response is their way of survival. As with people, sometimes it’s easy to figure out the trigger, and sometimes it takes time. Figuring out the trigger is just the first step. The process of “disarming” that trigger requires a lot of sensitivity and patience. For now we won’t use the stick on the circle game with Contigo, but our goal this summer will be to help him to overcome this trigger. Hopefully the students can help us with this, and in so doing think about their own triggers, and how to overcome them.